Remembrance

   I sit on my couch at home, by myself. I look at the date on my phone: August 25th, 2011. There are 17 days until the world remembers the 10th anniversary of the events of 9/11. And I do not know what to do.
  I'd like to say that I'm planning a trip to New York: that I'll embark on a pilgrimage to the closest thing our country has to hallowed ground. I'd like to post on Facebook about how I plan to stand with my brothers, and remember the heroism and sacrifice that has defined the fire service for the past ten years; that I'll put on my dress blues, and my memorial pin, and represent my department with pride.
   I'd like to tell my friends and family that I am proud of the 343 men and women, brothers and sisters of mine, who gave their lives on that day, and how I aspire to be like them, because "It's what we do.". I'd like to watch stirring made for TV specials about September 11th, with dramatic montages of firefighters racing to the rescue, set to patriotic music that brings a tear to every eye.
   But I can't.

   This is why. This is 9/11 to me.

   I feel tired. I feel a deep, dark sense of loss. I feel an ache within me that does not subside by putting a Twin Towers sticker on my helmet, or a "Never Forget" bumper sticker on my car. I feel a touch, just a miniscule, microscopic inkling of what the families of those firefighters who lost their lives do. I cannot, in my darkest hour, come close to imagining what it is like to put on FDNY bunkers every day and remember how many of our family was lost. Or what it was like to comb through the wreckage, breathing the choking dust, hearing the cries for help, while you search for your fellow firefighters....and almost pray that you don't find what's left.
   I feel tired. Because as the 10th anniversary of that attack grows closer, I get more and more emails telling me to " Get my FDNY commemorative t-shirt before it's too late". Because every time I turn on the TV, I see a commercial for a "Very special inside look at the events of 9/11". I feel tired because everywhere I turn, there is someone who is trying to put into words something that cannot be expressed. Something that those of us in the fire service feel in our very bones, something that tells us that there is pride, there is honor, there is DUTY in what our firefighters did that day. But there is also this.

   There is loss. There is something that is missing now. There is a part of our brotherhood that cannot be replaced. There are men and women, fathers, sons, sisters and wives, who will never answer the alarm bell again. It IS what we do. It IS our duty. It is heroic, and proud, and everything that symbolizes the ultimate sacrifice that a firefighter knows he may someday make; the willing trade of risking your life for the chance to save another's. But it is also man kneeling in a dusty street, with tears in his eyes, as he realizes that he left a part of himself and everything he is in that hole in the ground.
  I will not be at Ground Zero on September 11th. I will not be watching a TV special, or putting a new "343" decal on my helmet, or telling everyone that I was there for the tenth anniversary, that I was a part of the remembrance. I will be home. I will praying for the families and brotherhoods who lost a part of themselves ten years ago. I will be proud of those who went before me, who defined their very existence by their sacrifice, and I will thank God above that men and women such as these have lived. And I will remember those who are left, those who fell to their knees in the dust as they combed the debris, those that went home to their families at night, and awakened the next day, and the next, and the next, to do it all over again. And I will put on my helmet when the next alarm sounds, and pray with all my heart and soul that God grants me just a little of their strength. I will live for those who we've lost.  And I will remember.

"When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart,
And you shall see that in truth you are weeping
For that which has been your delight...."
                                             -Kahill Gibran

Shanks, shivs, and all things sharp.....

Every one should carry a pocketknife. For many reasons, really...the convenience of opening packages, the sheer awesomness of eating an apple you just sliced with your own blade; actually, here's a great article on MANY of the reasons-  Why carry a pocketknife? But as all emergency personnel know, it's most likely the single most effective tool you can carry in your pocket.
  As a matter of fact, I distinctly recall my first week of fire school; when I asked my lead instructor what tools I should have on hand on a regular basis, his reply was simple- "A good knife, and a good flashlight. Every call, whether it's a working fire, or a simple medical run, a knife and a light will ALWAYS come in handy." And go figure, the guy with 40 years of firefighting experience...turned out to be right!
  Now, the size, type and style of knife to carry is a debate than cannot be confined to a simple blog post. I've heard veteran firemen argue for hours about clip point vs. tanto point, fixed blade vs. folder...the bottom line is, choose what works. A lot of the decision making process when choosing an EDC (every day carry) knife is simply personal preference. Although there are many blades out there, you'll find that sometimes, the simplest are the best. Basically, does it hold a good edge? Can you deploy it quickly? Does it do precisely what you need it to do, when you need it to do it? Every thing else is just window dressing.
  Personally, some of the brands I know and love include SOG, Columbia River Knife and Tool, and Gerber. Usually, if you've heard of the brand, it's most likely a solid knife. Don't spend too much; between $30 and $50 will get you a well made, dependable knife. Remember; like every other tool on the fireground, it will get beat up! Nothing is worse than wincing as you watch your $300 specialty made custom knife get shoved into a window frame while trying to force entry...buy a blade that you wouldn't cry over if it got lost in a foot of debris during overhaul. Also, similar to the age old forcible entry adage, "try before you buy"! Play with the knife; see how fast it opens, if you can use it with either hand, and most importantly for us firefighters, can you open, utilize, AND close it while wearing structural gloves? That being said, here's a personal favorite of mine  (Gerber Epic fixed blade)....no product placement here, just something I know works well. (Although, if Gerber would like to ship me some samples, I might not say no... :)
  So before I geek out entirely on one of my favorite topics, I'm going to remind you once more for the road: carry a good knife, and a good flashlight (more on the lights another day). You may be surprised at how often it comes in handy...and remember, nobody looks cooler than the guy peeling his apple with this :)  Stay safe out there, ya'll!!

Cops and Robbers

   Does anyone else enjoy "Cops" as much as I do? Perhaps it's the warm, fuzzy feeling I get inside from knowing the bad guys always get locked up at the end, or maybe just the sheer, voyeuristic fun of watching crackheads get Tasered. Either way, I never pass up an opportunity to watch the boys in blue in action.

  Without fail, there's always a shirtless guy smoking a cigarette who insists he does NOT have any drugs on him....that he knows about. Then the cops FIND the drugs. Then he insists those CAN'T be his drugs, the police must have planted them in his pocket...happens to you and I all the time, right?
   So without getting preachy, I'd like to express part of my worldview; call it the Vollie's unified theory of awesomeness. Namely, this: don't end up on Cops.
   Easy, right? I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that most of you out there in internet land have never been in jail, let alone on the hit TV show. Most of us have never done meth, beat our wives in a drunken rampage, or ripped off our shirts so we could fight the guy with a Taser. However....have you ever had a beer or three too many and figured you were fine to drive home? Said something stupid, offensive, and loud while you were out with your buddies? The issue we, as firefighters, run into is this: we are not civilians. Once you join a fire department, especially as a volunteer, you are now living the life of a public safety professional. When you cut off someone at an intersection while in your POV with blue lights and scanner antennas all over it, you're not Average Joe A-hole any more...you are a Class A, A-hole FIREFIGHTER. Whether you realize it or not, everything you do can, and just might turn into, a public liability. When you throw that FD t-shirt on, you become someone that the public should respect; you are now representing your department, your town, and the fire service in general.
   The public used to admire the fire service. The firehouse used to be the hub of activity in small towns all over this country of ours. Ever wonder why it's not anymore?  This is why....
    Ex Volunteer Arrested On Child Porn Charges
   And this....
   Volunteer Firefighter Arrested For DUI
   And this...
   Firefighter Arrested For Arson

   Notice anything about that first headline? "Ex-volunteer".....even after you leave your department, your identity is tied up with the fire service. And there is nothing that ruins our image in the public eye better than incidents like the headlines above.
   So take pride in your department, your position, and most of all, in yourselves!! Think twice before getting behind the wheel after a few drinks. Think three times before driving like a moron in your truck with the "FD" decals all over it. Remember, we are special; we are held to a higher standard, and represent something much greater than ourselves. Go forth and celebrate life, but always, ALWAYS remember you are a firefighter. Oh, and also....don't end up on Cops :)

Loss and a lesson

  http://www.firefighterclosecalls.com/news/fullstory/newsid/138955
Indiana Firefighter Killed

   Before saying anything at all, I want to express my sorrow and sympathy with the family of the Indiana firefighter killed in the Line of Duty today, and say that my heart goes out to the Muncie Fire Department.

   As firefighters, we are all aware of the fact that we place our lives on the line every time that apparatus bay door rolls up. We hear the stories, we watch the news, and every time we see another headline about a downed firefighter, we whisper a thankful prayer that it wasn't us. But in all reality, all too often we maintain that "hero" mentality; the subconscious voice telling us that, yes, 87 firefighters were killed last year, and 93 were killed the year before that. But it can't happen to me, right? After all, this isn't Backdraft, right? I work in a small, suburban department...people don't get killed in my town....
   Any soldier will tell you that the military has a catch phrase; "Complacency kills". The fire service is no different. We occasionally forget to wear our gloves at accident scenes, don't bother with an SCBA mask for CO calls, and sometimes don't wear our seatbelts. I'm guilty of it on occasion, as are most people I know. However...the fact remains that yes indeed; Complacency. Does. Kill.
   The story linked to above (you can find more details here) is a reminder, one of dozens throughout the year, that no matter how many times we return from a call, crack open a cold one, and turn on the TV, all it takes is one wrong call, one missed step, one second of distraction to change, or worse, end, our lives.
Firefighter Close Calls  is a site that tracks emergency services Line of Duty deaths from across the country. The statistics are sobering, to say the least. Many of these deaths and injuries are unavoidable: the bottom line remains, fighting fire is a dangerous occupation. But many of these accidents CAN be avoided. Many are caused by a lack of paying attention, whether on the training ground or at a scene. Many are caused by caused by circumstances which are NOT out of our control, and each one of these deaths is a tragedy beyond words.
  I'm not sure where this post is heading, besides an urgent, heartfelt reminder to my brother and sister responders out there: BE CAREFUL! Pay attention at drills, because the skills you learn could save your life. Be aware at each and every call; whether it's a simple medical or a ripping structure fire. Wear your proper PPE for every single smoke alarm call, because you never know when it'll be the real deal. Remember to kiss your wives and kids goodnight before leaving for that routine assignment.
   NEVER. BECOME. COMPLACENT.
   We can save our families the heartache of losing the one they love. We can save ourselves from making a mistake that will cost the world another firefighter. Remember, it's always better to be an old, cranky retiree, than to be a young, dead hero. Keep your cool, focus on the job, and stay safe out there, folks!

Restoring the lost art of Manliness

   So in my meanderings across the wide world of the internet, I stumbled across one of the finest websites I've seen in a long time, http://artofmanliness.com/ . The site describes, with articles, photos, and charm, exactly how to "be a man". Now, I'm not talking about a gelled hair, gold chain wearing "Jersey Shore" type of man. Nor am I talking about a Rambo style muscled up bruiser type of man. No, this site is a step-by-step tutorial on how to be a real man; a well spoken, well groomed, erudite gentleman of an old school caliber. Think Cary Grant at his finest. Think Ernest Hemingway, minus the debauchery. Think Theodore Roosevelt, in his rough riding, bear hunting, pre-presidential days. This site explains, with amazingly well written articles, how to shoot a gun, cook a 4 course meal, dress with style for a first interview, and every other skill a true man's man should know.
   Perusing the website and finding myself more fascinated with each click, I began to think of how watered down our modern society's idea of "manliness" is. All too often, Hollywood and television portray a false perception of what a true man is; bulging muscles, trendy t-shirts, and flagrant profanity towards all who offend him. We've lost sight of what truly defines manhood, which the site describes as "Style, articulation, and intelligence". I could not agree more. When I think of the most "manly" examples in the fire service, I think of a true firefighter; someone who can crack a solid core door open with a Haligan in 3 seconds flat, but who is also the loving father of several kids who want to grow up to be just like him. You know the type; the ones who open doors for ladies, are the life of every party, and can hold a reasoned discourse on the benefits of initial fire attack with a deuce and a half vs. multiple smaller handlines for hours.
  So here's my challenge, men- be an example, not just in the firehouse, but in your daily lives. Look good in a suit. Learn to shave with a straight razor. Discover the difference between a single malt and a blended Scotch. Grow a mustache. Study Aristotle's treatise on reasoned debate. Live long, live well, and live like a man's man!

Fun is....

Yes....yes, this is EXACTLY the kind of thing we do with our free time :)

 

Brothers and sisters

It's Memorial Day, 2011. As I stand with my fellow firefighters enduring a drizzling rain that only amplifies the humidity clouding the air, I struggle to focus on the inspirational words of the speaker at the memorial service. A police lieutenant in town, he's speaking about his military service, and how the men and women he served with became the family that he never had in his youth. Lined up to my right are the proud lines of a National Guard troop, their camouflage ranks serving as a reminder of why, exactly, we celebrate Memorial Day; to remember those who we've lost. As the sun comes out, and the heat intensifies, and the lieutenant's voice chokes with emotion, my eye is caught by a young soldier falling out of rank. She stumbles briefly, hands covering her face, and I realize she can't be older than 19 or 20. Her sergeant quickly places him arm around her and escorts her to a bench; I can't for the life of me figure out if the soldier is overcome by grief, the memorial speaker's words recalling some personal tragedy of her own? Perhaps she's ill; perhaps it's only the heat...
   As the young soldier sits on the bench, cradling her head in her hands, I see something that I will remember for years to come; something that makes me proud to be a fireman. Three of my fellow brothers, sweltering in their dress blues, share a glance, and on some unspoken cue, move as one to the soldier's side. One helps her with a bottle of water; one takes a pulse to make sure she's calmed down, and one simply sits next to her with his arm around her shoulders, leaning close to whisper, "It's ok. We're with you. It's ok..." I feel my throat tighten as I watch the tableau before me; my brother firefighters comforting a sister soldier, their simple presence assuring her that it IS ok, that we ARE with her, that she is not alone.
   As I stand with my fellow firefighters for the remainder of the memorial service, I forget the heat staining my department polo with sweat. I realize with a startling glimpse that I had completely undone my misconceptions of the Memorial Day holiday. I realized with a flash of (rare) mental acuity that the reason I was there,the reason that all my fellow firefighters, police officers, and soldiers were there was twofold.  First; to honor, respect, and remember the lives that have been lost defending our precious country. But second, and perhaps most important, to honor those who remain. To stand as one with our fellows in the armed forces, and to let them know that while they serve to protect us abroad, we serve to protect them at home. That while they defend us with their lives, in whatever god forsaken desert or mountains they are in, that they can can rest easy at night knowing we've got their back; that their homes and families are safe with us.
   So here's the inspiration I realized on that hot, humid Memorial Day; my message to every civilian out there; remember those who still serve. Hug a cop; buy a firefighter's coffee; send a soldier a card. Because whether hauling an M-16 through the hills of Afghanistan, or hauling a deuce and a half hose through the front door of a burning structure, we are all one. We are all brothers and sisters. And to all the men and women in the armed forces, I tell you this; sleep easy wherever you are, my friends....we ARE with you. You are NOT alone.